San Francisco in November

Notorious for fog and cold weather, San Francisco was a pleasant surprise to me this November. I was lucky to be there when the temps were in the mid 60’s and the sun was shining every day. Don’t get me wrong, I found myself walking on the side of the street where the sun was shining because the shade was still a tad cool, but what can you expect being right on the water?

We stayed in Fisherman’s Wharf, and while it was a great hotel (The Sheraton), I would definitely choose to stay more toward the Financial District next go around. Every tourist known to man stays in the Wharf – and while there is a lot to see there – I would like to make my way in and out of there every day. The views are incredible though…Alcatraz, The Golden Gate Bridge, the entire Bay area…breath taking at times, the views are a definite draw in San Francisco.

If I may make two suggestions for anyone planning a trip to the Bay area – eat dinner at Franchino’s and rent bikes to ride across The Golden Gate Bridge!

Franchino’s is in North Beach and is one of many Italian restaurants of choice in that area. If I had to choose again, I would choose the same. I had the cheese tortellini and couldn’t have been happier. Coupled with a glass of Pinot Grigio, I quickly found myself in heaven. This little place boasts big atmosphere when it only seats probably 25 people, at most. The owner greets you in Italian and immediately makes you feel at home. We had reservations, so we were lucky to get right to a table, but I can’t imagine there ever being a huge wait. The turnaround seemed fairly quick. And the location – perfect for an after dinner stroll around the streets of North Beach…check it out!

Blazing Saddles was our stop for bikes in the Bay. They stand out on the street yelling in your face as you walk by, “BIKE THE BRIDGE!!!!” It’s a little overwhelming, but it’s a tourist town, so I expected it. What I did not expect was the fun I had biking 8+ miles across the bridge and into Sausalito. WOW! There are a couple of hills before the bridge that will take your breath away – but take a chance to recover, because the views from the bridge and Sausalito will steal your breath for sure!

When I was riding across the bridge, the sounds from the cars disappeared. In fact, I don’t recall hearing anything but silence as I looked at everything around me. I was probably blocking a lot out as well since I’m terrified of bridges, but I had to make this ride. I wasn’t disappointed. As you cross over and hit the mainland there is a spot to stop and see how far you’ve come, where you are, and where you are still headed. The hills down into Sausalito were fun for me because I love the speed of the downhill ride. As I came out at the base of the hill and into town I stopped to look around at all of the homes and businesses. I have never been to Italy, but I would imagine that it looks a lot like Sausalito. The homes on the water were beautiful, and the little street café’s that we passed had such a quaint appearance. We parked our bikes near the water and walked through the streets to get coffee and people watch. After 8 miles on a bike, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk at all, but the feeling you get from the accomplishment of conquering that ride is so motivating.

We opted to take the ferry home, which I enjoyed as well. It provided a perspective of what we had just accomplished that I wanted burned into my brain for a lifetime. It also allowed for great views of the Bay as we skirted across the waters past the bridge and Alcatraz. Besides, the monstrous hills we came down into Sausalito – no way could I have made it up those things to ride home!!

I am so lucky to be able to travel as much as I do. I’m blessed to experience the places I experience, and continue to grow as I broaden my horizons. As we all journey through life, it’s nice to step outside ourselves for a moment and breathe in the many places that surround us. There is so much to see in this great big world that I haven’t even begun to touch…but my bags are always close, and I’m ready for that next trip at all times!! San Franciso – check!

Music

Writing is my therapy and love - but I will tell you this...music runs a VERY close second. It's amazing to me the emotions that are stirred simply by hearing a song. Joy, sadness, anger, and peace are just a few emotions that I experience on a daily basis through a song. In fact, I've learned recently that mourning can be aided by music - although at the time, I found myself more angry that the words and rhythms were drawing tears from me instead of being willing to accept the fact that it was actually helping me move through the emotions that I wasn't willing to let go of on my own.

I took a trip this summer with three of my girlfriends and there is now a list of songs that I associate with the best moments of that trip. Whenever I hear them I'm instantly transported back to the beach, the streets of LA, or in the room getting ready to go out for the night. I find myself smiling uncontrollably during those moments because the songs remind me of such a happy moment in time. "Hello. Good morning."

Just as those songs bring me happiness, there is a playlist on my iPod for heartbreak as well. The songs on that playlist illicit a completely different set of emotions from me. I'm moving through those songs with anger and sadness - but with a hope that peace, will also come. So very different than the other songs that bring such joy, this list reminds me of the pain of love lost. What I find interesting: the songs that I hear in that list are songs that I have been listening to for a long time, and thoroughly love, but they are now associated with a totally different aspect of my life. And, as much as I love them, they will now and forever be associated with a broken heart. But don't get it twisted, I will keep listening!

Whether it's happy, sad, or angry, I wouldn't trade in my music for anything in the world. I love driving to work each morning and listening to my playlists. I love sitting on the airplane, falling asleep to a slow mix that I've saved. And as much as it hurts, I love working through the harder times in my life simply by listening to music.

While writing is what I love to do, and live to love, music will always hold a special place in my heart as well. In fact, there are notes and words accompanying me right now as I write - and they will likely continue to do so as I journey through life with pen to paper.

Why not allow music to set the soundtrack of your life? You might be surprised at the impact a song can have!

Senseless

I was listening to a song on the way to work this morning titled, “Wonderful Wonder,” by Ginny Owens. The first few lines of the song struck a nerve for me…

“I don’t know the ocean’s crystal blue…
And I don’t climb the mountains for the view.
Or wish upon the stars above my head…
Or bear witness to a marvelous sunset.”

Ginny Owens is an incredible pianist and vocalist. She is also blind.

Her words got me thinking…if I had to give up one of my senses at this point in my life, which one would I choose?

After a quick run down of the five senses, it was easy for me to choose. I would give up my hearing. I don’t like noise.

What was more interesting to me though, is the why behind my unwillingness to consider sight. Listening to Ginny’s song, it’s so incredibly touching to hear her pour her heart out about what she’s missing right now, but how she will be in awe, after death, by everything she is able to see for the first time.

For me, I am a visionary person. I like to be quiet and get lost in my own head (another reason why hearing was my choice) and just enjoy the sights around me. I like to see what is before me, touch what I see, and get lost in the eyes of another. Those are things that make me smile, they make my heart beat a little stronger, and they remind me of the life I have right before me.

I have been guilty in the past of overlooking what has been right before me, but I’m taking a little bit more time these days: Enough time to be reminded of what I love, who I love, and how seeing that love before me makes me feel.

Writing is what I love to do, and allowing myself to follow that love is becoming more fulfilling than I would have ever dreamed. One day, I will share that fulfillment with another as well – and I can only imagine the feelings that will provide us both.

I’m so fortunate to have all of my senses in tact, but I would be cheating myself if I didn’t take a little more time to enjoy each of them in the coming years. We are not promised tomorrow, nor are we promised everything we have today…we need to take the time to enjoy life to the fullest. Take some risks. Find purpose in a dream and follow it. Explore your senses and find the enjoyment in each when you focus on them.

I may even blindfold myself at the dinner table tonight and see how much more I enjoy that every day experience.

Borrowed Time

Living on borrowed time has always been a concept in which I believed. We have one life to live – we should take risks, live big, love much, and do everything for happiness. We’re borrowing the time we have, so why not use it to its fullest potential? Besides, we never know when that time will end.

It’s only been recent that I’ve started to really evaluate the way I spend all my time, with whom I spend that time, and what dreams I need to follow while I still have time to borrow. I’ve always played it safe. Financial security being number one on the list of to-do’s, followed by time spent with my family and friends, dating, travelling, and then the miscellaneous items in life. Those have all flip-flopped for me as of late. I can make money regardless, so the need to get more and more and more has dropped down on my radar…it’s been replaced by time with my family, dating, and travelling. These to-do items aren’t always in the same order either…which leaves me wide open for twists and turns. I’ve come to realize that happiness is SO important in this life…and while having money makes things easier sometimes, like travelling, it doesn’t bring me the happiness I ultimately want in life. I want to jump outside the box, follow my dreams, and make things happen that others would tell me are impossible. That is exactly why I finally got the star tattoo on the inside of my wrist. For me, it’s a reminder that the stars in reach, and I should remember to reach for them. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I’m ready to commit to that statement. I’m ready to leap after my dreams…so I had the reminder inked to my wrist, and I plan to have 2 more added in the near future. Each representing a different star (dream) I want to grab onto.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still that responsible girl that takes care of business behind the scenes, I’m just putting myself out there to take more risks. You gain nothing if you risk nothing…and there are things I want to gain.

There’s always a flip-side to risk-taking though…and I would like to think I’m centered enough in my life now that I will be able to take those unsuccessful outcomes in stride. I have had to do that recently, and I’m proud of myself for how I’m coming out on the other side. Pushing the door to, but not closing it all the way. I will be running that risk with the possibility of publishing as well. Some people will love my words; others will despise my style and technique. I refuse to give up until something hits printing though. I will take it all in stride…and the success that will follow will be a wrangled star for me.

We could all use a reminder now and again about what is important in life…what makes us happy…and it’s important that we fight for those things. We stand a little taller, smile a little wider, and can exhale a little longer when we do. I like being a dreamer, but more importantly now, I love being a follower of those dreams!

"Bullied to death"

With all the recent headlines I have felt compelled to write the issue of bullying. Young people are taking their own lives because of the pressures put upon them by other human beings. It has to end…and now.

Bullies have been around forever, but it just seems to me that it’s starting earlier, and more intense, than ever before. I can remember seeing it happen in my schools, and I can remember making sarcastic remarks that probably hurt people’s feelings…but breaking a CHILD’s arm because he wanted to be a cheerleader? Unfathomable-yes…but no longer unrealistic.

Why do people harbor the idea they are superior to others? Why in the world would anyone think it okay to SPY on a roommate and broadcast their private life over the internet? We are a sick world that times have come to this. People hide their true selves because they see what is happening to others around them, and end up missing out on so much in life because of fear. They fear the repercussions, they fear the backlash, they fear being outcast, and they fear rejection. We are supposed to be taking steps forward, but I feel like Rosa Parks has since been replaced by a gay teen on the back of the bus...who feels compelled to put a gun to his/her head because they fear nothing will get better. I thought we were breaking these cycles…but that teen could be one of less fortune as well.

We need to take a stand, regardless of our personal beliefs, and let people know that it should be common decency to respect those around you. I’m not asking anyone to change what they believe – but is it too much to ask everyone to form a united front for LIFE? How many young people have to die before we step outside ourselves and scream that it’s not okay? It’s not okay to make fun of someone everyday because of the clothes they wear, or the music they like, or their sexual orientation! Stripped naked and put in a crowd, we are all the same, barring gender. But it starts with each of us…to find our voices and speak up for those that feel their mouths are covered.

This is something that hits home for me, for personal reasons, and I am nothing short of passionate about doing whatever possible to support and encourage those that are bullied. Opening up communication and starting a dialogue with any young person that is being affected is a responsibility each of us should take seriously. You never know when your child, niece, nephew, cousin, neighbor, or friend could be hurting so deeply because of how they are being treated. According to statistics, 1 in 5 students are bullied each year-and a staggering 9 in 10 gay/lesbian students. So don’t stay still, and don’t remain quiet…the longer we do, the more lives we’ll lose.

Get Out of Town

No seriously… you should GO.

I’m a gypsy these days...at least that what’s my cousin tells me. But, the truth is that I love vacationing and getting out of town. There is so much to see and do, and I want to look back 10 years from now and smile at all of things I’ve done and seen. I actually feel a little bit sorry for those people that don’t go anywhere...or they just go back to the same place all the time. Maybe it’s my roots that make me this way, but I love it, and would encourage others to GET OUT.

See, I grew up from the midwest, to the west, to the southwest, to the southeast in the US. I moved for the first time at 6 months old…so that’s one I don’t remember...but I remember Kentucky, I remember Las Vegas, I remember El Paso, and I remember Knoxville. I wasn’t a military brat, I was a Levi’s brat! Dad’s job took us to each place...then I brought myself back to northern Kentucky in 1998. (I’ve been itching to move again since like 2003) The diversity of these places has helped shape me into the person that I am today. I love Las Vegas…and my heart remains out west, for sure...but I learned the most in El Paso and Knoxville. Such polar opposites are these places.

In El Paso, I was one of maybe 8 white kids in the school that I remember. Yet, I never felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I don’t remember any discrimination or intimidation for my race. When I moved to Knoxville, it was a sea of white kids – and yet I felt like I stuck out. I will never forget starting there in 8th grade, not knowing anyone, and asking someone where all the black kids were...I won’t soon forget that laughter. My junior year of high school, after a football game, I was forced out of a local establishment because there was a black guy with me and my good friend. It was a definite switch in gears for me in the southeast...but I did make some great friends in each location, and loved both places dearly.

I did find one likeness in both places though – most people were born there, have known their friends since birth, only vacation to one place, and live in a sort-of “bubble.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen many people burst that bubble and branch out, but some never did. To each their own – but man, they have no idea what they’re missing!! I couldn’t imagine a life without diversity, travel, new experiences and people. I’m convinced that living your life in a shell doesn’t protect you from the world...it hides you from life’s possibilities. I want to...and see...and meet...and grow...and do.

So GET OUTTA HERE. Take a leap of faith and accept that job in another state (if you hate it, you can always make your way back home). Take a vacation to a place you don’t know much about, and get lost in the city there – experiencing everything it has to offer. We have one life to live – and we should live it to fullest. Never settle, never stop learning, never stop growing, and never forget to tell thos you love how you feel. The moment you do, life will lose a meaning you never knew existed!

Emotionally stunted??

I sat through therapy last week and after 45 minutes I felt like I was having an epiphany.

“I think I’m emotionally stunted,” I said.

My therapist’s eyebrows went through the roof. She even grinned for a minute before asking me why I felt that way, and what ultimately brought me to that conclusion.

I laughed a little bit before responding:

“Well, a couple weeks ago we were talking about that e-mail I received and you asked me to place an emotion on what the sender was likely feeling. Only the most basic emotions sprang to mind – sad, upset, etc. It wasn’t until you said ‘fear’ that I realized that was the exact emotion, and I should have known it, and likely did know it, but I couldn’t verbalize it. I felt, in that moment, that I had lost touch with emotions, and that conversation has bothered me for the past two weeks now.”

Our conversation progressed on, but I came home, and now a week later, am still questioning myself. An emotional awakening and revamp was/is the 3rd part of my total revision…and it’s turning out to be the hardest. I never would have expected that because I’m not afraid to cry, or be angry, or laugh…but what I’m finding is that I’m not afraid to physically show my emotions – I just haven’t been able to completely define them…or those around me, for that matter. Hell, I can even write emotionally and have readers feel what I want them to feel…so where is the disconnect?

Well, after our follow-up session this week I made some realizations. I’m careful. It’s not that I’m unemotional, or unable to label the emotions I see and feel, but more that I take care along the way to ensure I have no regrets in life – so my emotions don’t run wild during specific moments when others’ might. I felt better when I walked away this week because I felt like I was able to “feel” what I felt, and I was able to relate to what others may be feeling as well. A lot to understand: yes. Hopeless: no.

I’m an analyzer, a planner, and an organizer. When you throw in spontaneity, you kink the curve even more. I don’t make rash decisions, I consider all options, I take pride in my stability, and give my all in everything in which I’m involved. I like to believe that I have a big heart, an open mind, and a willingness to please. I cry with those that need me to do so and I laugh when it’s appropriate (and inappropriate). I am finding that what I once thought I was unable to do, I’m actually able to do so with fervor: separate my emotions from situations, when necessary. I’m not emotionally stunted, I’m just in control of my life.

I think the years of pleasing everyone else before myself played into my necessary check of my emotions. I forgot what it was like to make myself happy, allow myself to be scared, take pride in my accomplishments, and feel sad and alone when I want to feel that way. Before, I would just task myself to death – a nice distraction from feeling any of the above…not now. Now – I’m finding joy in laughing when no one else sees what’s funny, and I’m LEARNING to brush off the angry drivers around me instead of raging myself (and finding that dancing in my car makes the anger dissipate quicker), and I’m relishing in the time I have with my family – because I only have one family, and one life to know them. My emotions are deep rooted, yet finding their way to the surface more often now than ever before. I look forward to future emotional growth as well.

If I could hand out any piece of advice, that I would like to take myself, it would be for everyone to tap into their emotions…learn how they feel, what triggers certain reactions, how to deliver messages getting your point across – all the while taking the receiver’s feelings into consideration, and most importantly…don’t hide behind a smile if that’s not how you’re feeling. It’s see-through and will do nothing but prolong the inevitable admittance you need to face. And let’s face it – there’s nothing worse than someone walking around with a fake smile.