Self-Loathing

Self-Loathing
PART I

It’s not abnormal for us, as human beings, to have negative personal thoughts.

“I’ve gained 10 pounds and look fat.” 

“My face is breaking out and I look ugly.” 

“Why can’t I be prettier?” 

We are our own worst critic and enemy, and the way we view ourselves is often reflected in how we interact with others.  At a certain point we can withdraw, become distant or angry, sometimes even depressed…yet we continue to berate ourselves based on who we see in the mirror.

 I will be the first person to raise my hand high, in unfortunate guilt.  I’m harder on myself than I should be, and am guilty of berating myself on a daily basis.  Today has been worse than usual, in fact. The “F” word is used far too often in my everyday language.

 Fat.

It’s what I see in the mirror, it’s how I feel in my clothes, and it’s what I assume everyone else thinks when they look at me.   The reality is this:  it is wrong.  I’m wrong.  I am actively working on changing the way I speak to myself and view myself, and while there are many reasons why, I find it most important to just LOVE myself.   I’m a work in progress.

Self-Loathing
PART II

The second part of this touches a little deeper, both personally and also in a broader spectrum.  Maybe “Self-Loathing” isn’t the most appropriate title for these thoughts, because they really boil down to a fear.  I guess the underlying issue is fear, and that easily leads to self-loathing.

I read so many stories today about people committing suicide, and it’s usually because of some level of self-loathing.   Both young and old, individuals are taking their own lives because they have come to loathe themselves more than they find tolerable.  That’s scary.

You often times hear it said that “nothing is worth taking your own life.”  I think everyone forgets that those that can’t bear living any longer do it because of how they feel about themselves.  So, in turn, “your own life isn’t worth the taking?”  Do you see the endless cycle that one might see?

I’m not encouraging/condoning this action, so do not misinterpret my words….but fear and self-loathing can drive us to measures unknown.

 

For me, I live a pretty good life.  I don’t judge people (or I at least work hard to not judge), I love my friends/family, I show compassion and love to those around me, and I try to live a life of humility.

I also live a life in slight fear.  Fear of judgment for having a wife, and any criticism that is thrown my way because of that fact.  Fear that someone won’t agree with us and I’ll find myself face down in a pool of blood someday.  Fear that my future son/daughter will have to deal with the ignorance and hate that others pass down from generation to generation.  And while I have not encountered an OUTWARD and BLATANT attack, for which I am so thankful, I have dealt with the quiet shunning.  Most people fear losing a family member, but try having many family members just turn their backs on you without discussion or explanation...Not that one was needed.  In any case, that fear became a realization for me, and one that led to a great deal of self-loathing.

I don’t have any answers on how to encourage people to self-love, but I can share what I have found within myself.  I have found that the time and energy taken from me to self-loathe is time and energy I feel 10-fold when I love myself and allow others to do the same.  You might be surprised how much lighter life feels, and how much happier you become, when you allow yourself to just live in love.

You know, Jesus showed us the ultimate act of love when He laid down his life for us....ALL of us.  So be a little nicer to people today, because you may not know how they are really feeling about themselves...and your ACTions may make all the difference in their world of self-loathing.